If  you are, you’re not alone.  In the past two or three months, four different people told me “I’ve been thinking a lot about Robin Williams lately,” and then looked closely at my reaction to see if I picked up their meaning.  Indeed, I have.  Every time.

Beyond the media-fed prurient interest of the public’s demand to witness this sort of deeply private, painful, and personal event lies something much darker.  Permission.

You can’t tell who is struggling with inner demons, wrestling with  thoughts and urges toward self-destruction just by looking at someone.  Many people hide their pain from the world to avoid burdening others or  to avoid the stigma, rejection, and judgment they fear if they were to reveal their “true” selves.  To confess the struggle with anxiety, suicidal thinking, or depression is actually an act of courage and a step toward healing that many sufferers never find the energy or nerve to take.

After years of knowing or working with the courageous people who confide in me about their struggle, I see the effects of a suicide in a community on others who consider that option for themselves.  If HE can do it, why can’t I?  These thoughts don’t just cross the minds of someone who struggles with deep depression, they take up residence there and are very difficult tenants to evict, especially in the aftermath of the news of a suicide.  Whether the person who committed suicide was personally known to someone else who thinks about it has some bearing on the strength of those thoughts but I’ve seen people be impacted when they have never met the victim.  One suicide can create a ripple effect that I’m certain was never considered or intended by the person who killed themselves.  When the suicide happens with someone who is widely and publicly known, those ripples reach even further, often taking loved ones by surprise when their daughter/son/husband/wife/friend confesses their own urge to attempt the same result or when they bypass the discussion and take tragic action.

With every completed suicidal act, the ripple effect begins anew.  In fact, in some cases, the ripples become amplified by multiple losses in the same community.  It is a heartbreaking cycle to witness.

I bet you’re wondering why I bring all this up now, months after Mr. Williams so sadly and tragically ended his life.  On Sunday night, many of us will be watching the Academy Awards and I am quite certain Mr. Williams will be remembered in the In Memoriam segment of the evening, as well he should be.  Of course this will stir feelings for most of us who loved him from all his portrayals, whether goofy or touching – his was a hard act to forget.

If those brief moments of remembering Mr. Williams bring up a deep struggle with your own inner demons or considerations of following in his footsteps, please ask for help.  A tragedy for one is a tragedy for all of us.  And the help is out there!

If someone confides in you that they need help, please connect them to help and don’t expect yourself to be the sole support that saves them.  I’ve been licensed for over 20 years and, believe me, when someone tells me they are suicidal I take it very seriously and I don’t go it alone!

If you suspect someone you know is struggling with depression or suicidal thinking, please ask them! Contrary to popular belief, asking directly if someone is suicidal does not risk putting the idea in their head!

If you or someone you know need  immediate help, please call 911.  Here are some other resources:

The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline number is:

1-800-273-8255

They have both English and Spanish speaking hotline counselors.  Their website is:

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org

If you are in Marin County, CA, contact:

http://fsamarin.org/suicide-prevention-crisis-hotline/