Grief is a strange thing in American culture. Our society tends to structure it with sets of expectations, like it should execute at certain intervals over a specific timeline or directly follow the well-known Stages Of Grief. Grief comes in all forms and in all times. No one grief is greater than another; it’s all a personal journey. For example, some people may wonder why they are feeling grief when their cancer-stricken parent is still alive. Other people may think they don’t deserve to feel grief over “just a pet.” Other people might be wondering why they’re not “over” their grief yet.

The truth is that there’s no right way to experience or process grief. We all do it differently. While the symptoms of grief can vary for each person, problems arise when grief takes hold and doesn’t let you move forward. In cases like this, there’s usually something blocking the natural emotional processing of grief, creating a feedback loop that leads to self-defeating or self-destructive behavior. Many times, you may be falling into this trap without even realizing it, or you might think that you’re grieving incorrectly. In these situations, I can walk along side you while we search for resolution and healing for your grief.

Working with a client in grief counseling, is an honor and a privilege. This is a very personal time. It can seem like the loneliest and most frustrating abyss the person has faced. Because this experience is unique to each person and to each loss it’s important to not rely on milestones and expectations — something that you may see too much of if you’re researching grief information online. Instead, it’s important to remember that every person is his or her own individual collection of thoughts and life experiences, which means that grief can mean different things to different people.

How does that translate to grief counseling sessions? My goal is to get clients to move forward at their own pace. Sometimes that means inching ahead and other times, it leads to giant leaps forward. The important thing is for each and every person to understand that there is no right way to do this.

If you’re in the middle of the grieving process, don’t feel cornered by expectations of what you should or shouldn’t be doing. The way you process a significant absence is something that only you can understand and articulate. Just as your relationship to that person was unique, so is the loss of that presence.